Ugh

I talked to my parents this morning about the UCSC idea. They obviously will support me on whatever path (not to mention a cheaper one), but they really want me to do everything possible at Whitman to make it better before I make that choice. I told them that the problem was that I had already made up my mind, and they said that that was a very "Diane thing." That I get set on an idea and can only see the "How can I get out?" vs. "What can I do to stay here?"

Which is true. I agree that I may be acting hastily, but this also isn't a new idea. I considered this in the fall, too. But I'm not upset or distraught here anymore; I just don't feel connected with Whitman. I could go without it.

They said that UCSC wasn't a "top school," and I said that Whitman wasn't either. I mean, UCSC has a higher acceptance rate, it's obviously larger, and it has a lot of budget cuts, so I could get screwed there, too. It's not that they care about the reputation of a school that much, but I think UCSC has a bad reputation non-academically, which they may be concerned about.

I don't know. All of a sudden UCSC has become my dream school. Because beach towns are my dream towns. I just miss that environment. I miss the sun and the things to do that don't just have to do with college. But is it really what I want? Right now, I believe it is. My mom also made the point that sometimes when you aren't satisfied with yourself, you think that going elsewhere will make everything better. That could be a major part of it for me. I may be thinking that every little thing that's wrong here would dissolve if I lived in Santa Cruz.

Part of me just thinks I'm causing a scene for no reason. This is a white girl problem. I'm going to a 50K/year private college and am complaining about it. Maybe college isn't supposed to be perfect, and it doesn't matter if you don't feel matched. You're really just there to learn. But if I'm just here to learn, then what does it matter? UCSC has quality academics, too, and there are MORE of them. AND it's less expensive. So if I'm going to be dissatisfied in any way, I might as well pay less money for it. The class sizes may be bigger, but 95% of the professors have terminal degrees in their field. That's not so different from Whitman, is it? I've found that class size makes no real difference in learning. If anything, I prefer the larger ones.

I am asking everyone for their input/advice.