Conflicted

Well, it's a new semester. I've been going to the gym twice a week; I have two jobs; I've been eating healthily; I have friends; I've been making my bed everyday; I've been sleeping in; and I'm taking classes in all the areas I supposedly enjoy.

Then why, with all these positive changes, do I want to leave Whitman?

Well, let's see:

1. I am frustrated by the limitations of the quantity of programs, as well as those within the programs themselves.

2. I do not feel as though I'm getting an education worth $50,000 a year.

3. I'm sick of Walla Walla and do not like the area or the weather.

4. The food is not great.

5. I miss California.

6. I don't want to take senior exams.

7. There's nothing here I enjoy doing (other than working), even though I've explored various clubs and activities.

8. It has overall disappointed me and has not lived up to my standards.

9. I'm not fond of the prominence of Greek life.

10. I don't like all the travel involved in getting to and from Whitman.

On the other hand, some things I don't want to give up at Whitman:

1. Lack of any real academic structure.

2. Spacious living (which dug me into this hole in the first place)

3. Fall.

4. The nice stream flowing through campus.

5. The 24-hour health center

Honestly, I never would have pictured myself at UCSC during high school. I was private, small, liberal-artsy all the way. But I'm not entirely sure that that was all my thinking. It was partially the fact that I had been bred to want that by my high school, and bred to brush off schools with an acceptance rate of above 40%.

I don't know if all they say about big schools is true. Even though it may be hard to find your "group," in a way there's a larger pool to choose from. It's nestled in a redwood forest, just a few minutes from the beach, and 30 minutes from my house. What about that is unappealing? It has a Language Studies Major, which combines linguistics and languages, as opposed to Whitman's completely absent linguistics department. They have apartment living available for freshmen, which would give me some privacy in a group suite setting. It's close to all the things I know and love, and I could come home once in a while, or have my parents visit me. There's nothing wrong with that. I've spent almost a year without that option, and I've realized that it's really something I'd like to have. I don't have to prove my independence or adulthood...I just really like my parents! I really like my hometown and the Bay Area! I don't have to see them often or do everything often, but it would be nice to be able to. Not to mention, the beach just uplifts me. Bad days could be cured with a few hours on the sand and feet in the Pacific Ocean. No airports involved! Less cost overall. So...I'm arguing for a less expensive education with more extensive options and more factors that would be overall conducive to my happiness. Is there a problem with that?

Of course, I should visit. The vibe I get from it online is not necessarily the vibe I'd get in person.

And to add another level of complication to this, I missed the November 30th deadline for UC applications, so I have to write an appeal letter. I just hope they understand that I didn't KNOW I wanted to change schools at that time, so I didn't even think of it.

I'm crossing my fingers and atheistically praying that my appeal persuades them to even consider my application. And that, from there, I get accepted for Fall 2012.

Who knows where I'm going? I just want to get out of here.