Two Years

It's been two years as of yesterday since Rachel died. I miss her. I miss her piano lessons. I miss her inspiration and energy. I've done so much more since she died, but I've never been as concentrated...

On a separate note, I thought it was important to record a few dreams I've had recently, not for emotional reasons, but more because they're just interesting/visually appealing. The first one I had a few nights ago (Monday night), and Alex and Ella and Matt and Brian etc were all with us at some random place, which i think was supposed to be in Europe. We were staying in little square cabins on top of a hill, and there was a huge hillside covered in an infinite amount of little green clovers. In the dream, I thought that I should make Alex stand there and take a picture because of how great the grey lighting was.

Apparently what you did at this place was rock-jumping...I don't even know how to explain what that was--not the typical "rock-jumping." Basically you were attached to a huge harness system in the sky (which you could see), and you would RUN all over the cliffs, even if you couldn't climb rocks (like me). I remember standing up on a cliff with Uncle Mike (very precariously) and asking for my camera. I wanted to take a picture of this huge....vortex...of swirling gold and pale blue, all shimmery. That was the view from that terrifyingly high little niche of the cliff. After that I wanted to leave because I was scared of heights and decided that I was incapable of climbing. Typical.

My dream last night:

I was at Youth Group with Christina, and some other random school people were there, too. We were having a really good conversation; I forget where we were, but there was something about using flashlights (ALSO, just remembered I was at school and accidentally opened the door to the Sledge and set off the alarm, then walked away because I was embarrassed), and Christina started to talk about having faith. She held up a hand, palm toward me, and spread all of her fingers. "Having faith," she said, "is like this, having all your fingers up. Not having faith is like cutting your fingers off and only having a palm."

"Can I just make a comment?" I said, raising my hand like i was in class. "I wouldn't exactly agree with that because especially with people like Alice having faith, or practicing a religion, or whatever... is more like having really long fingernails or having something extra on the fingers that already exist; it's just an add on to everything that already makes you you...it's not a replacement for nothingness."

Something like that. And Alice agreed with me and went on to say something else. Christina agreed with us ultimately.

So though I'm not Christian anymore, I believe that what I said in the dream does ring true.

(Off to Spanish, then the BOB MILNE assembly! then having lunch with him!)